Soar

The world is a whisper. My heart aches for more; more understanding, more fear, more lust, more desire. There’s much to discover, but I am but a bird caught as this old lady’s prisoner. This cage is too small, too hot, and reeks of my own shit. Hung in a dark corner, forgotten, and abandon my cage awaits for the rust to cut it like a knife.

My wings, shiny, bright, and yellow; fluffed and ready. But this lady is isolated. She’s grown used to my beautiful breast and my glorious morning hymns. I am only a burden. A chore. Her own misery cannot escape my existence. She cannot see that I, too, need companionship and adventure-to open my wings and feel the release of flight.

She is buried under mounds of old newspaper, dirty coffee mugs, and musk. The cats are screaming, licking dirty plates and taunting me with their eyes. Waiting I am for the moment their bellies are eating their insides. Waiting for their curious minds to pick my latch. They do not sense my readiness, my desire, or my need. They can only feel the crumbs from their last meal. Patiently I am perched planning my escape to fly out the kitchen window, spread my wings and soar.

By: me

Italian Love Affair

August Indiana months can be torturous due to the heat and humidity, so my favorite pastime is to find a cozy spot indoors and rummage through the latest fall magazines in search of my new fall wardrobe. Since I am still anticipating the big September issues I have already began pursuing my top fall boot picks from my favorite online stores. In the meantime I will be painting my toes dark purpley- reds and blacks and reminiscing over hot apple cider and flannels.

#1 Oxford Pick: Madewell Aberdene Two-Tone Oxford with removable fan (made in Italy)

#1 Biker Boot Pick: Madewell Biker Boot in black (made in Italy)

Getting by

Sometimes it’s a quote, a song, or a poem or maybe it’s a string of words you catch in passing; it is what gets you by.

Faith Poem

(a poem about Faith)
I don’t know how to do anything
I am trying to move mountains with words
But I am an ant
I scribble
I drool
I move like a worm
whose world
(words)
encompassed a mile
How do I rise above?
Where will this worm
find wings?
I look in the mirror
and I see filth
Who is that?
Where did The Angel go?
Why is there dirt
staring back at me?
Why is the soil of
incompetence beneath my nails
Why does doubt paint
blue rings
beneath my eyes and
stain my skin
Why does my spine assume failure
Why do my lips
flirt with they sky;
why do I try to lasso
Beauty with such a
pitiful rope?
Where is the hair of Rapunzel
or Samson?
Where is my sling
Where is my stone,
My gun?
Where is the weapon with which
I may fight this apathy
that feels like sleep
in my limbs
that loosens my brother’s smile
That kills my neighbor’s daughter
This pen is scrawny and hardly
seems able to ink out
or erase this plague that
infests my
Generation
This Giant, This Ogre
This Beast, This Death
that assumes a million faces,
that borrows my own.

By Jewel Kiltcher

All I Need

traveling….. sipping….. smiling… wondering.. relaxing….. packing. joking… kissing……… disappearing. hoping.. longing…. gazing. laughing… daring. watching.

wishing………………

Photos from www.wmagazine.com

Spectacles

I am virtually on the verge of breaking down and going to the eye doctor. My contacts are so dry and old and I’ve been on my last pair for about 3 months now. Not good. It’s not that the eye doctor is painful, it’s that I hate getting my eyes dilated and having fuzzy vision on my day off of work. I usually beg the doctor to let it slide, but I don’t think I’ll be getting away with it this time.

Lately, I’ve been contemplating getting new glasses. The ones I have now have not seen the light of day. I wear them at night so I can make it to the bathroom in the middle of the night and that’s about it. I’m as blind as a bat to say the least and now I am wanting something more fun and stylish, perhaps something I can wear out in public. After spotting these 3.1 Phillip Lim frames I am eager to call the doc and make an appointment. I just can’t decide which ones I like most…hmmm?

Signature Scent

My obsession with scents started in high school when I went to stay with my brother in college for a weekend. One of his girl friends walked into the room and the smell of her perfume somehow completed her eccentric look and personality. From that day on I’ve been in search for my own signature scent.

Over the years I have probably collected close to 50 different perfumes. My favorites include notes of vanilla and sandalwood and a hint of something exotic. I feel my style reflects something comforting, yet masculine, semi-sweet, but a natural aroma with a bit of edge. If you could bottle up your fondest memories, your style, and leave behind the essence of your legacy what would it smell like?

Old Favorites

Hanae Mori Butterfly

Magic by Celine

Goodlife by Davidoff

Flowerbomb by Viktor Rolf

Current Favorites

Imperiale Guerlain (men’s)

Ambre Essence

VAMP

Lately all of the current fashion magazines have got me drooling over the latest fall trends. Because I am a sucker for boots, leather, denim, and all things layered I decided to take advantage of the premiere of Eclipse and get a little vamped myself.

I took a bit of inspiration from Porenza Schouler (my alter ego wanna-be) and my ultimate inspiration for my Fall 2010 Want List.

Your Neighbor’s Garden

Over the weekend I decided since I’ve been so good at being active lately (running, rollar blading, and lifting) I just needed to change my diet to start seeing the results I am looking for. When I heard about Your Neighbor’s Garden I knew this was the kind of motivation I needed to pack more fruits and vegetables into my diet.

I grabbed my straw fedora and hopped into my car for a little road trip to the Broad Ripple area of Indianapolis. Your Neighbor’s Garden is a family run business out of a home. They grow all of their produce literally in the gardens beside their home. As I pulled into the driveway I felt like I was just visiting old friends. You’d never know the difference besides the little sign outside indicating their fresh pickings for the day; strawberries, green onion, snap peas, and lettuce. When I pulled in there was a man mowing a lawn, a woman water flowers, and a few high school aged kids were picking out of the garden. I walked up to the little shed where strawberries, assorted lettuces, snap peas, cilantro and dill were packaged and weighed. There was just a safe and a clipboard by the door for you to put your money into and sign-up for their email list on future ‘pickings of the day’. Your Neighbor’s Garden is based solely on the honor system. You just add up what you want and deposit it into the safe. There aren’t any workers besides the ones tending the garden, which are there in case you if you have any question. I absolutely loved this idea and I can’t wait to go back!

Sweet Summer Serenity

esteflex.blogspot.com

Inspired by Ms. Jeni Combs (http://lovingmaryforever.com) and remembering the excitement I used to have waking up in the morning and finding inspiration from mere strangers telling me to keep going and reminiscing how they connected with my words and feelings-I am ready to start writing again. I have learned through my journey to independence that, for me, I have to have faith. Faith in something. I know there is something greater out there than just us humans here on earth. There is a force. Whether it’s God or whether it’s science there is something. Having faith gives one a positive outlook on life. I don’t know if you can be a positive person and not have faith in something, but having faith has released my anxiety about my future and allowed me to enjoy every moment…well almost.

I don’t care about making it to New York, working for a magazine, producing a fashion show, or all the dreams my heart has ever desired. I know I have what it takes to do those jobs. I know if I were there I could do them. I don’t have anything to prove to myself. I know that I am where I am supposed to be right now. I love the relationships I have built here in Indiana. Call it Midwest mentality, but people are all that really matter; family and friends. I would move to New York in a heartbeat if the opportunity would arise. I am always seeking an adventure, but enjoying the journey now (no matter where you are) is what life’s all about.

Looking back, the best memories are being with those I love, whether it’s under a sky full of shooting stars, drinking a great beer at a hole-in-the-wall pub, dancing until my feet hurt, or eating my brothers’ best smoked BBQ ribs you have ever tasted in your life! Those are the moments I cherish and those are the moments that keep me living the great life.

New Beginnings

Spring is a time for new beginnings. Flowers emerge, birds begin to sing again, and it’s the most popular time for couples to vow to spend the rest of their lives together. This spring marks the first spring of true independence from all things I once felt attached to.

Being in two long relationships back to back, one lasting 5 years and one lasting 2, I sensed that I had lost myself to some degree. Not allowing myself to heal after the first break-up and immediately jumping into another. When that one didn’t work out, I knew that I had to spend time with myself to find what it was that I wanted. I spent so much time and energy trying to mold myself into what they wanted, that I lost what I wanted. I dated a bit even after my last long-term relationship, but only to find that what I really needed was a relationship with myself. Now, a year since my last relationship, I finally have a sense of who I am, and what I want from myself and a life long companion.

I feel completely free from the feeling of having to have someone by my side for the sake of comfort or love (or a false sense of love). I love myself. It’s a completely different love that I am searching for. I’m not looking for love that fulfills my neediness, but I’m looking for a love that I can just love for what it is; for the good and the bad.

Some mark New Years or their birthdays as a clean slate for the rest of the year, but I mark the Spring of 2010 as a new beginning for the rest of my life.